“I’ve lost the days … what day do we have?”

I see him on the other side of the screen, shaved but not, dressed in work clothes but not, tired but not. “I work through the computer but also I don’t work … I sit and I don’t sit. Where will all this go? ” I hear this question over and over again:

 “Where will all this go?”

How long can we stand with not having the answer? How much we can bear not to build for tomorrow, not to recall yesterday and to limit ourselves to today. It seems like today has always been smaller than yesterday and -very- so small in front of tomorrow. Never has the “today”, never the  “now” had so much value. Maybe this is the greatest gift of this unprecedented situation we live in. Get the “now” out of parentheses and live it. Today.

Because tomorrow – now – no one knows. Because tomorrow – anyway – no one ever knew.

How? We were always thirsty for easy answers, tips, directions and “5 easy steps”. I will not give them to you. Because they may be simpler or much more complex. Because the essentials are never as valuable as they are today. Because yesterday’s “obvious” became today’s “valuable”.

And maybe it’s time to appreciate them and move on.

Appreciate the couples where, when the sun shines outside, do not lock the children in unhealthy shopping malls. They don’t ostrich that they spent their time together, not wanting to admit that they are bored with each other and even more so themselves.

Appreciate the one who is not in a hurry to put a label to someone or judging. That he will not honk, cursing the other driver who is slow to start at the traffic light, who is not in a hurry to call crazy the man who speaks alone, who does not characterize as wild and dangerous the foreigner who was alone in an inhospitable country. The one who does not need to happen to understand, the one who allows the other to make a mistake, not because “we all do”, but because sometimes this mistake may seem like the only option.

Appreciate the people who want to understand the other, why they are angry, why they are whining, why they are silent, and not just to endure until they stop .. Without realizing that this is where love ends, when you go to endure and not to understand.

Appreciate the one who puts tenderness in care. He will ask “how are you today” and will wait to hear the answer. That does not perform procedurally. Appreciate the creativity of the mother who thinks “what can I cook for them today?” and wants to be healthy but also delicious.

Appreciate the partner who knows how to be amorous even in the ugliness of the disease. Because care without tenderness is a prison.

Appreciate the people in white shirts that save bodies and souls with the same humility that the gardener will take care of the sick seed.

 Appreciate a simple walk in the dark, keeping his palm warm in your hands, without needing the standard, made-up, easy image in a bar with alcohol, makeup and lonely loneliness.

Appreciate the new colleague who will smile and will not be afraid if he is in danger with your presence. He will not fall into the trap of blaming, because it is easier for him to degrade than to become better himself.

Appreciate the consistency. The one who will say “I want” when he wants, “I love you” when he loves and “I’m here” when he is. Appreciate the one who knows how to appreciate. The one who respects. Because respect without consistency is not meant. Consistency in what you say, in what you do in what you are.

Appreciate the one who leaves permanently. The one who respects the pain he causes, and does not come and go, with “I do not know”, “maybe” and “can”. He does not “get carried away in moments of weakness”, he does not press emotions to feed an insatiable narcissism, leaving open opportunities for false hopes.

Appreciate the one who hurts with dignity. Without asking for mercy, begging for attention and cultivating guilt. Because quality is seen in pain and goodbye.

Appreciate the one who is not sacrificed. The one who does not seek guilt for what he lives or does not live, or for what he did not live. Who undertakes to be free through the commitment of his choice. That does not load guilt and does not roll in the pleasure of victimization as a harbinger of fate.

Appreciate the partner who does not reinforce insecurities, trying to cover his own. That leaves no implication for better proportions through surgical scallops, that does not underestimate in order not to feel threatened, that does not castrate in order to have control. Appreciate the one who knows how to show off and show off what he chose to have next to him. Because we are our choices.

Appreciate the one who doesn’t take anything for granted. The one who does not take for granted the human who sleeps next to him, because he knows that he slept yesterday and foolishly believes that he will sleep tomorrow, who does not take for granted the new life that comes into the world, the water that he drinks and the friend who will say good morning to him in the morning.

Appreciate yourself, who is not afraid to admit that is having a hard time, who is not waiting to be appreciated to appreciate, but the other way around … That in your anxiety and uncertainty you are optimistic. Because the romantic dreamer who sees empty glasses full, and the infamous “positive side” is not optimistic. Optimistic is the one who sees the water level exactly where it is but swears he will do his best to refill the glass. Optimistic is the one whose desire to quench his thirst is so much that he swears to find the most gargling water.

I’ll start … and may the sources you come across quench your thirst as much as you thirst for the next one.

Anna Kandaraki is a clinical psychologist – psychotherapist. Doctor of the Medical School of the University of Athens, and graduated with honours from the University of Paris V Rene Descartes in the Sorbonne. She has a master’s degree in clinical psychology specializing in adolescent and adult child psychopathology.

She specializes in systemic existential psychotherapy, takes adults, families and couples who face difficulties across the spectrum of Psychopathology (anxiety disorders, panic attacks, psychosomatic, emotional disorders, eating disorders) or any difficulties they may face because of a disease (obesity, diabetes, cancer) or because they are facing significant changes and decisions in their lives.

She has written extensively in Greek and international press as she has participated in international conferences as a guest speaker.

Dr. Kandaraki, before focusing on the science of Psychology, has a degree in Archeology from the University of Athens, a master’s degree in Art History from the University of Louvre, postgraduate training in cultural management and organizing exhibitions from the University of Montreal.